i cut myself on my breasts last night. that was a first.
i want to fucking kill myself
slash my wrists, and swallow my whole bottle of sleeping pills and go down to the gallivan center trailing blood and vomit as i walk through the parking garage to the top. i am ready. i can’t fucking do this anymore. bleeding everywhere, i can’t wait.
Reblog this if you have been a victim of rape.
(Source: reachingrecovery)
i will not stand idly by and watch you pretend to love me.
I blame myself
For being abused as a child sexually. I blame myself. And I weep for that little girl lost. I weep for all the things in my life that were taken from me because of the countless acts of abuse I endured throughout my life.
I look and tell any other person that rape or any kind of abuse is never their fault, but I can’t tell myself that same damn thing.
I feel tainted and dirty, and I can’t get past the fact that I don’t remember what happened to me. I don’t remember what happened, but I remember the aftermath. I don’t know why remembering is so important to me. Closure perhaps, but I also think that if I remembered, I could change something somehow? I don’t know what or how, but these are just the thoughts going through my head at the moment.
I feel so raw and used and cheap, and dirty and unloved and tainted. So ugly and disgusting. I feel vulnerable. And I don’t love me. I don’t love myself.
They tell me I am not my past, but I am. I am this thing. I am a victim, not a surviver. I don’t see myself as that. I see myself as a very lonely, little girl who has self destructed and detached herself from so much. I have lived such a sheltered life for so long.
I can’t help but think I must have wanted this somehow. I must have asked for it. I deserved it. I must have done something wrong. I hate that I think that, but it’s how I feel.
I wish I knew what to do to change it.
this is me. I can’t even believe how accurate this is.
Anonymous asked: I can't believe you lied to me.
what?
Confession #17.
If I found out that someone was treating a person who had been through what I have, the way I treat myself, I would be horrified and absolutely disgusted. But that doesn’t stop the self hatred, the self doubt and the gut wrenching guilt I throw at myself daily.
i don’t feel like being alive anymore.
